Journal

5/17/21

For work I am focusing on the basics, just do what is required and do it early not just on time.

I feel like I should work more on building positive emotions on the team and going beyond to amaze people, but honestly I usually do those things but lack in the getting things done earlier.

Getting things in early deomonstrights capacity to work independently and take on more challenging work.

Get the basics right first, not many deadlines left in the year, but there are many still.

5/13/21

I woke up and I was 40. It is time to stop saying “tomorrow” and start saying “today.” The time for lofty plans is over. Do big things but never at the cost of balance. Never will I ever tell my loved one’s “wait,” all comes second to those I love. Never will I say to my loved one’s “no” but sometimes I will say how. I am too old to be famous, too old to be rich, too old to make history. But I can still live an awesome life, and I can still do a lot to make the life of other people better and I think in that I have found peace.

No more fighting to be the best, now I feel perhaps it is better to make a contribution that is small but targeted then one that is grand and chaotic.

Perhaps that makes that most sense for me since much of my youth, well much of my life up to this point really, has been chaotic. Perhaps to me I felt as though life should get easier, not realizing of course that most people pursue these goals with a lot more resources then I had when I did them. Now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and well, I am scared. Everything has been a fight, do I really want to settle down? is that still a thing?

*Note: I just remembered to write a paper on uncertainty.

Well I feel a little depressed I guess knowing that some paths in life are now closed to me. I mean I guess they have to at some point or we would have 75 year old pop starts and who wants to see that? Okay I would watch but just trying to make a joke.

Like a friend once told me, when you feel like that just focus on the small things you must do today.

And also, fuck that shit! I am alive and I can do whatever I want! No sad ending to this story! I refuse!

5/3/21

This week I had a transformational experience that has brought me to believe that there is nothing more important than people.